Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, tank tops – I’ve missed you so. So, as you might have noticed, it’s been a little while since our last unrestricted Tank Top Tuesday. So let’s just go for it. Like jump right in. Like, boom, say hello to Kerry Washington and her tank top. Yeah, just like that. Sometimes I forget I don’t have to write as many of these word things to make a good post. But then I remember. You’re welcome.

Anna Silk

Production has started on Season 4. Come back, “Lost Girl,” I’ve missed
Boobs O’Clock all the exciting succubus drama.

Anna Torv

It’s an Annas we miss convention.

Anne Hathaway

Annes, too.

Grace Park

What’s she doing now that she left “Hawaii 5-O?” I hope it’s a show I’ll actually watch.

Scarlett Johansson

She is the main reason I’m going to see the next Captain America movie (besides Chris Evans’ tight little tushy – what, I’m only human).

Angelina Jolie

I find it rather strange and unseemly (cough, Melissa Etheridge, cough) to publically criticize another woman’s personal health choices. Whatever decision a woman makes for herself with fully informed consent is not, in my opinion, “fearful.”

Brandi Carlile

I just got tickets to see Brandi this summer. Excuse me while I go have a Big Gay Squee moment.

Sing it, sister

I’m – as many of you know already – not really a reality TV fan (other than almost everything on HGTV and sometimes Food Network and, on one of those lazy Sunday nights, “Hoarders”). But sometimes the realities of reality TV (real enough for you, just wait, there’s more) make me realize I should probably sit up and take notice.

And the reality I’m talking about today is out contestant Michelle Chamuel, who is in the finals of “The Voice” tonight. As on of three finalists on the hit reality singing show, she is competing for the top prize. And I’d very much like her to win. Not just because she’s a gay lady (though, believe you me, it helps) but because she’s different. Of course she can sing, but there’s also delightful nerdy quality about her – and it’s not just the glasses.

Though, did I mention she can sing?

Pink, Robyn and Cyndi? Sold.

And of course she has other cool qualities:

She wears (colorful) lady jackets.

She rocks (stylish) sensible shoes.

She makes (incredibly) intense singing faces.

She understands the (extreme) ridiculousness of pleather.

All that and she could be (at least to my knowledge) the first out gay lady to win a major American singing competition. Which would be pretty damn cool. So go, Michelle, go. The finales are tonight and results will be announced Tuesday. So, I guess what I’m saying is, please go and vote for the cute, slightly dorky glasses-wearing gay lady in the colorful blazers, America.

p.s. I know there was another out lady contestant this season (hey, Karina Iglesias) and in the past. But Michelle is the only one left to vote for.

My Weekend Crush

I like “True Blood” because after the regular fall TV and serious spring offerings (Can we cool it on the beheadings and castrations, “Game of Thrones?”), I’m ready for some straight-up vampire craziness to lull me into the blissful embrace of summer. And this season, more than any other, has me really excited. Why? Because Pam and Tara, dammit.

Pam has long been one of my favorites and one of the more underutilized characters on the show. Unlike Sookie, I’ve always got time for her lesbian weirdness. And while Tara has occasionally annoyed the ever-loving shit out of me, she has been one of the most resilient characters on the show. I mean if you can come back from a shotgun to the head, you’re pretty much badass for life.

So when the two got together at the very end of last season, maker and her sire, it was cathartic. And we, like Jessica, all pointed at the screen and yelled, “I KNEW IT!” Yeah, we knew it. And we love it. Let us dream the impossible dream of a happy ending for these two. Or at the very least there had better be a lot more lesbian weirdness between them coming up this season. Happy weekend, all.

How a Hart beats

I’m not even going to. I just wanted to share. I can’t begin to set-up. You know what, just press play. Press play and when you’re done laughing and hitting replay and laughing again, we’ll talk.

[Appropriately long pause to allow for laughter, replaying and more laughter.]

Yeah. I know. Right, so that was Hart, who also goes by Heartbeat, who is a young gay comedian from Southern California and is, as you can clearly see, very funny. Also pretty fearless. Also very, very funny. Also loves watermelon. And has adorable dimples. Yeah. I know. That just made my whole damn week, possibly longer.

Want more? Subscribe to Hart Beat’s YouTube channel right here.

Do us part

I try not to follow celebrity hook-ups, breakups and breakdowns. I mean, sure, I sometimes see the screaming supermarket tabloids while trying to fight the urge to sneak a Twix bar onto the conveyor belt. But every now and then a celebrity breakup creeps into my consciousness and makes me say, “Aw, dammit.”

And earlier this week that breakup was Jane Lynch and Lara Embry announcing their divorce after three years of marriage. Say it with me, “Aw, dammit.” After three years of marriage, the women are separating and it bums me out. Because they seemed so very happy and so very happy together. And they were so sweet family with Lara’s daughter. But alas, not all things are forever.

This is both sad news and also sadly reassuring news. The sad part is obvious, because we all want to believe in the happily ever after. The sadly reassuring part is that gay couples are like any other couple – sometimes their relationships work and sometimes they don’t work. And it’s another reminder why legal marriage is important – not just for the benefits is confers with a commitment, but the clarity it establishes with the end of a commitment. The rights and responsibilities go both ways, and it is important for the law to recognize that as well.

I wish Jane and Lara well during what must be a difficult time. I hope it is as amicable as these things can be. I hope both can find lasting happiness. And in other news, Jane Lynch is single, ladies. Too soon? Yeah, probably too soon.

Tweets from Hillary

Sassy. It’s such a great word (and a great, but sadly extinct magazine, RIP). And a word that almost never gets applied to straight men, much to their own detriment. Because sassy people (straight women, gay women, gay men, et al) are kind of the best. That cheeky boldness that indicates an understanding that it’s all ridiculous anyway so why not enjoy it.

Hillary Clinton is sassy. This is, I believe, one of the very few female-identified adjectives without pejorative overtones. She has personality and smarts, but is willing to take the piss out of herself and others. She is, in short, sassy.

And if you ever needed definitive proof that Hil owns her sassiness, look only to her newly established Twitter account, @HillaryClinton.

“Wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, SecState, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD...”

Also, she used the famous Texts from Hillary photo for her Twitter avatar. And her very first tweet was a shout-out to the Texts from Hillary creators. Hilz is good at Internet, no?

This light-hearted approach to her official Twitter persona took (let’s say it, male) reporters by surprise. Women being funny? Powerful women being funny? Powerful women the media narrative have told us are shrill harpies being funny? Up is down, black is white. WHAT IS THIS MADDNESS?

Oh, shut the fuck up. Those of us who have actually been paying attention to the actual woman have known, for years/decades/forever that Hillary is one funny lady. And, if I may broadly generalize, I have found that female politicians tend to be much funnier and self-deprecating bunch than their male counterparts. Perhaps it is a defense mechanism to coping with such a tiresome boys club. Or perhaps it is because men just won’t tolerate a woman with as big an ego and as thin a skin as they themselves have. Who knows.

All I know if you didn’t already love this hair icon, pantsuit aficionado and glass ceiling cracker, you certainly should now. Bring us your tweets, Hillary. You sassy lady, you.

New year, same Gayzzoli

I have seen your future, and it looks – well, it looks a lot like “Rizzoli & Isles.” The gayest non-gay show on television is back with its mix of ridiculous chemistry and ridiculouser (not a word, but neither are there chief medical examiners for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts that look like Dr. Maura Isles) crime solving.

Will you like it? If you like “Rizzoli & Isles,” of course. Will you be frustrated it? Well, if you are a gay lady who likes “Rizzoli & Isles,” of course. If the first two episodes of the new season are any indication, there’s plenty to make us smile and shake our heads. You know, like normal.

Yet still, I can’t help but love the show. Its banter and bickering keeps bringing me back. As a crime show fan I watch different shows for very specific reasons. Sometimes it’s the pleasure of putting the puzzle together. Sometimes it’s for the satisfaction of the good guys beating the bad guys. And for “Rizzoli & Isles” it’s for the enjoyment of the symbiotic relationship – specifically the symbiotic lady relationship. Because, even in 2013, shows centered around two female leads are sadly a rarity. Fine, it also helps that they totally act like a couple even when talking about their totally unconvincing gentlemen callers.

And, yes, while I understand the real frustration lots of us feel with the too gayzzoli to not be intentional and therefore teasing scenarios that emerge, I have resigned myself to it never being canon in anything but my own fertile noggin. Sure, I wish it was different, but I won’t get mad that it isn’t. Nor will it keep me advocating for more shows with real gay characters in real gay relationships (and championing those that exist – hello “Orphan Black” and “The Fosters,” you lovely things).

So, in just over two weeks when Jane and Maura are back for another season of “The Adorable Bickersons,” I’ll be there. With my subtext bells on. Until then, we always have the bloopers.

My Weekend Crush

You know you know Teri Polo. From “Meet the Parents,” et al, and “The West Wing.” She has often played the supportive and/or long-suffering wife. She has popped up in numerous TV shows and movies. And each time you see her you think, oh – yeah, her. But now, perhaps finally, you’ll see her and think, oh – of course, her.


Because in just one episode of her new series “The Fosters,” Teri has made her character Stef Foster her own distinct person. Yes, she’s the loving wife again. But she’s the loving wife in an equal relationship not one where she is background scenery to Ben Stiller or Jimmy Smits. I especially like how in a few short scenes she has been able to establish both Stef’s sense of authority and abundance of compassion. Her little dashes of dry, even awkward, humor help, too.

Another thing I enjoy about “The Fosters” against stereotype characters is that while Stef on the surface might seem like the butch one, being a cop and all, she’s also the one who was married before and had the couple’s biological son. Also, I like how they’re letting Teri look her age, which is a settled in 44. She ‘s beautiful, obviously, but not trying desperately to be 24.

Also, dammit if Teri doesn’t look exactly like Jodie Foster’s slightly butcher little sister. I mean, it’s almost distracting. I keep expecting Jodie to walk on screen and introduce herself as Aunt Jo and there to be lots of inside jokes about how lesbianism runs in the family.

I hope the show continues its very solid course, and I look forward to seeing a lot more of what Teri can do. Oh, and don’t you worry, we’ll be talking about Sherri Saum’s glorious hair porn soon. So soon. Happy weekend, all.

Hottest of them all

Right, so each year I feel a little responsible for creating The Beast that is the AfterEllen Hot 100. It was, after all, a post about my fury over Lindsay Lohan and the Maxim Hot 100 oh so many years ago that helped to start it all. But each year, I also dutifully tell you my vote. (Sure, this year it can be votes, but I am old school and choose to vote only once like the Founding Fathers intended or whatnot.) My picks vary, there are some constants (Tina, duh), but really whatever is turning my brain and/or heart and/or other regions most on at the moment is what makes my list. And this year is no different. Seeing as today is the last day to vote in the AE poll, I thought I would show you mine. So here they are. For all to see. Now you show me yours, it only seems fair.

p.s. You can vote in the AE Hot 100 here.

Ticket to the couch show

When I was a kid, I lived for the movies. Watching the trailers in the theater before a movie started was almost sacred, your one glimpse of what’s to come and what to get excited about. You couldn’t just pop onto YouTube to see all that summer had to offer. You had to wait and anticipate and decide in those two minutes if the fourth Superman movie would really solve the problem of nuclear proliferation.

But over the years, film has become less a driving force in my life. Sure, I still love the movies. The smell of movie theater popcorn makes me instantly feel 13 again and excited about sitting in a dark room with strangers and told fantastical stories.

But that at once solitary yet completely communal act of going to the movies has become less of a cultural driver in recent years because of cinema’s once scoffed upon little sibling, the television. TV is now our cultural barometer, with endless chatter and words and hand-wringing spent on the latest “Game of Thrones,” or “Mad Men” or “Breaking Bad” et al. The serialized nature of TV, its long burn versus quick payoff, makes it perfect for our media obsessed minds. Why just hyperventilate about a 2-hour movie when you could freak out about 22 episodes hour-long spread out over months and month.

I suspect part of TV’s appeal now is the ability to discuss it with dozens, hundred, thousands, millions as it happens. “OMG THE FUCKING STARKS!” said everyone at 9:59 p.m. Sunday night. You can be part of a live conversation and share your opinion with the universe the second it happens. In movies, that immediacy is blocked by basic human decency and the desire not to be the asshole in the theaters who lights up his cellphone to type, “Cool movie, bro.” Heaven forbid we have to wait two hours to tell the world exactly what we thought. But besides the more superficial I tweet therefore I exist aspect of social media, there is also more of a chance to help mold the creative process on TV. That long season means a longer production process which means more fan input which means more audience feedback which could have an impact on storylines and characters. It happens, just ask Brittana (circa seasons 1-2, that is).

But for me, what has turned me over the years away from my first love of the darkened theater and into my current love of my couch (besides comfort and better snacks) is the fact that TV has done a better job of giving women more and better roles. Period. One needs only to look at the current summer movie season to see it’s the same-old boys club where big things go boom. By my informal count there are only three female-led movies coming out: “The Bling Ring,” “Blue Jasmine” and “The Heat.” Two are arthousey fare – Sofia Coppola and Woody Allen projects – and the latter is a buddy cop comedy.

On TV meanwhile the summer offers “Rizzoli & Isles,” “The Fosters,” “The Killing,” “Covert Affairs,” Major Crimes,” “Pretty Little Liars,” “True Blood,” “Hot in Cleveland,” “Unforgettable,” Mistresses” and many more I can’t think of off the top of my head. Women get to be the crime fighters and action heroes and antiheroes and damsels who get themselves into and out of distress almost everything in between.

So I guess what I’m saying is even though movies won my heart first, TV is who I will always go home with. Here’s to long hot summers. And if you want to watch in the dark, just turn off the lights.